


Ocean Memories

by lsaacLahey



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Character Death, Friendship, M/M, unrequited feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-23
Updated: 2014-01-23
Packaged: 2018-01-09 18:51:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1149547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lsaacLahey/pseuds/lsaacLahey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Armin hopes he's their sunshine too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ocean Memories

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this pretty fast and its unedited bc i'm lazy trash.
> 
>  
> 
> But, idk i felt like writing to why not?
> 
> tumblr url is at the bottom

The air smells strongly of salt, he’s close and he knows it. His pants are stained with dry mud and his jacket lost, 3D maneuver gear long abandoned and he thinks the bottom half of his harness is loose.

The ocean was all Armin ever wanted to see, his motivation almost, but something is missing, it makes his heart feel heavy and mind foggy.  He tugs at the blood red scarf that sits loosely around his neck before taking a gold key in his right hand, it feels cold and brings along a familiar emptiness as it rests tightly against his palm.

He brings the key up to his heart and lets his hand linger there.

He had almost forgot Jean, Christa, Connie and Sasha had came along with him, they were happy for him just moments ago. Now a look of sympathy was washed over the faces of his friends. Armin isn’t sure if is annoyed with it or not.

This moment was suppose to be happy, not sad, not wanting to make him fall onto his knees and cry until everything felt okay. 

He closes his eyes and he’s sitting across from a young Eren, a big grin on his face, Mikasa was seated beside him, a glint of curiosity lingering in her eyes.  Both boys knew Mikasa didn’t approve of their shared dream to go beyond the walls, Both had different reasons of course but the same dream none the less.  Yet at the moment she seemed interested, like she wanted to know more.

“Continue..” She edged Armin. He opened his mouth to speak, only to be cut off by Eren.

“I already told you Mikasa we can take you with us!” He turned to face the raven haired girl, face full of hope that maybe she’d agree this time, maybe she actually did want to come.

Her facial expression remained neutral, but the look in her eyes said something else, “I told you Eren, I don’t want you to go. It’s dangerous, your mom and father wouldn’t allow it either.”

“I don’t want to die a caged animal!” Eren snapped back at her. His fists clenched tightly that his knuckles were white, they rested at his sides as he glared at her. “I can take care of myself you know.” Annoyance was clear in his voice. Mikasa’s face turned to hurt instantly.

Armin immediately rested a hand on his shoulder, the brown haired boy turned to face him. Armin liked Eren’s eyes, the reminded him of the ocean, he read it sometimes had a green tone to it. or perhaps of the sky when before sundown, The sky that saw the entire earth, outside the walls and all, it was the fields of sand, lands of ice, _the ocean_. He gave Eren a look, one that might as well meant, _“Are you still going?”_

“We’ll go I promise.” Eren’s voice rung in Armin’s ears.

_I promise._

They had successfully made it outside the walls, made it to the basement, obtained knowledge about the titans, the world was almost clean of the man eating giants now.  Everything didn’t feel real, like he would wake up and be in the barracks again, back in the trainee days. He takes a deep breath.

He’s woken up to Eren’s snoring, and Jean’s warning that if Eren doesn’t shut up he’ll shave his head like Connie’s.  A few shared laughs will echo through the quite cabin, earning a _“Hey!”_ from Connie. He has to wake up Eren, a smirk set on his face and he picked up a pillow and whipped it at his best friend.

A startled messy haired Eren shot up apologizing for sleeping in, or forgetting to do his share of chores or whatever he had done wrong. A smile tugged at Armin’s lips as the words left his mouth “Eren, its 5:30am.”

“Oh, someone check Bertholdt’s sleeping position so we know the weather.”  Eren joked, not entirely awake.

Three seconds later Reiner’s booming voice crashes through the room “it’s gonna rain!” And once again everyone laughs before getting ready for the day, but not before a few of the guys place bets on if it is going to rain.

Armin eats breakfast with Mikasa and Eren, almost any free time he has is almost always shared with the two.  They’d joke about any gossip that went around the trainee group, sometimes Armin would talk about stupid things that Eren had done as a child, which resulted in Eren’s hand over his mouth.  He bites his inner cheek as he thinks about what he’s about to do. A look of mischief  falls over his features, and before Eren has time to pull his hand away, Armin licks his palm.

Eren turns around, a look of fake disgust on his face and wipes his hand all over the back of Jean’s shirt.

Armin regrets everything.

He stands up to apologize to Jean, which he has done on numerous occasions, Marco has done the same.  Armin realizes maybe it was one of the reasons they got along so well.

He opens his mouth to say the words _I’m so sorry jean_ , but its already to late. They’re up in each others faces bickering like five year olds. Armin stands beside them, lost for words and not exactly wanting to get involved.

It’s Mikasa who pulls the two apart giving them each equally deadly glares.  The room fills with “ _he started it!” “Shut up horse face!”_ before shadis comes in and makes the whole group run laps.

Armin was never good at physical things, when he and Eren we’re younger he’d lose almost all the races the two had, when he did win it was because Eren let him. His heart pounds in his ears and he prays that he doesn’t fall into the back of the group. He doesn’t feel like being on kitchen duty.

Just his luck he trips over his own feet and it takes him a few extra seconds to get up because he’s sure his knee is injured.  When he stands up shadis is already in his face screaming about how pathetic he is and how he really needs more meat on his bones. Everything flies over his head.

That evening Eren offers to help him clean up after dinner and won’t take no for an answer.

“But Armin, you hurt your knee didn’t you?”

“Eren, really its fine, it doesn’t even hurt anymore.” It really didn’t.

“Armin, stop being stubborn!”

“Fine.”

Armin lets him help and enjoys the company. They start with sweeping, Armin takes a broom and begins. His mother was normally the one to do these chores around the house, and they’ve only been here for a few days, so his sweeping skills still do need a lot of work. Eren sits on the counter watching Armin, with a smile on his face. It’s very rare that Eren looks so calm and relaxed. Armin knows he’s thinking of something, a good memory maybe? He stops sweeping and gives Eren the best annoyed look he can muster up. “I thought you were supposed to be helping me.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just” Eren chuckles lightly, “You’d make a good house wife.”  He gets off the counter and turns on the kitchen sink to wash the remaining dishes.  Armin watches as He pours a quarter of the dish soap into the sink.  _He has no clue what he is doing._ The sink floods with bubbles and some of it falls on to the newly swept floor.

Armin tries not to flush, “It’s the hair isn’t it.” He jokes.

Eren bursts out laughing, “I kinda wanna put a cute little bow it.”

“Don’t you dare, Eren Jaeger.”  Before he knows it, Eren drops a handful of soap bubbles on his head.  Eren is close to Armin’s face, and he wants to lean in, but he knows that’d be weird and they can’t be anymore then friends. He had lost hope of any feelings being mutual, he doesn’t let himself feel sad, so he shoots a playful glare at Eren.

“Or that could work.” Eren makes a square with his thumbs  and index fingers, in the center of the square is Armin. He rolls his eyes and Eren lets out a genuine laugh.  Armin turns to the sink, all he has on his mind is revenge, and boy is he going to get some. He grabs to handfuls of bubbles.

“oh my god, please, Armin don’t.”

Armin corners Eren near the closet. He can see at the corner of his eyes Eren reaching for the door knob in hopes of escaping the bubbly poison. But Armin is fast and shoves the soapy pile right into his childhood friends face.

“You look like the old man who used to sell fruit down the street from my house.” Armin smirked.

“Jesus, Armin.” Eren mutters under his breath. Yet he still doesn’t move to wipe away the bubble beard.

“I thought you two were suppose to be cleaning.”

Startled the two boys turn to face the door, and Mikasa stands in the door frame, making her way onto on the spare chairs. “Shadis sent me to check on you.”

Eren gets a mischievous look in his eyes as he scoops up another pile of bubbles and walks over to Mikasa slowly. 

“Eren what are y-“ before she can finish her sentence she has a beard to match Eren’s.

She glares and him before spitting onto the ground.

“That got in my mouth.” She uses the same tone as she does with some of the stupid people in the trainees, that thought it would be a good idea to mess with her. Armin flinches.

“Mikasa lighten up.” Eren snorts.  she sighs, brushes the bubbles off her blood red scarf, making sure it’s safe and suffered no damage, and makes her way over the sink. For a few minutes it appears that she’s helping by washing dishes, so Armin goes back to sweeping.  A wetness collides with the back of his head and he freezes instantly.  He turns to a sly looking Mikasa.  Eren is glaring at her just as hard as Armin is.

He doesn’t know how but it turns into a full out bubble fight. Not one corner of the kitchen was spared, He almost forgets that they’re not alone in this building. That he was assigned to do this because he had fell behind during his punishment for standing without reason during breakfast. He was sure it was poking him in the back of his mind, but he doesn’t snap out of it until shadis is in the kitchen yelling is head off.

Armin apologizes at least 50 times before shadis tells them to clean it all up. When he leaves, the trio bursts out into uncontrollable laughter.  He isn’t sure whats so funny but he laughs a long with them, his heart feels light and it’s like Eren and Mikasa are his own personal sunlight. They raid of warmness and make him feel like things are actually okay, like the wall never fell and they were just normal teenagers messing around. Eren seems less tense, and Mikasa has never been this outgoing in a long while. Armin hopes he’s their sunlight too.

It takes them another hour to clean it up to Shadis’ expectations. And its nearing lights out. Armin says a good bye to Mikasa, and She hugs them out of the blue. Armin feels squished, but he doesn’t pull away.

“Mikasa let us go!” Eren growls cheeks turning bright red.

She releases without any last words, walking in the opposite direction to where to two boys are heading.

Flustered, Eren straightens out his uniform, despite having to take it off once they get back to the barracks.

“What was that all about.” He mutters

Armin just smiles and pulls Eren a long with him.

When they’re  changed and ready for bed Armin falls into the messy bed, his pillow smells like dust and the blanket has a hole in it he’s not sure where it came from.  The lights are out, and the moon casts light through the slightly open curtain. He feels weight drop on the side he isn’t occupying. He knows its Eren and he pushes his back against the other boys.

“You’re warm.” Eren mumbles tiredly and turns to kiss Armin’s forehead, his face turns bright red and before the blonde has time to respond, his best friend is fast asleep.

_Maybe Armin is Eren’s sunshine._

He’s back trudging through tall grass, the group following close behind him. The sound of rolling waves lulls him into calmness and before he knows it he’s standing before the blue abyss, it was surreal, and he falls to his knees. His body begins shaking and he feels like he’s going to vomit.

It’s dark and his head aches.

_Where am I?_

He tastes blood, so much blood.

“Eren!” Mikasa’s voice rings through his ears, and he tries to open his eyes.

“Just open your eyes, please Armin.” The voice is breaking and sounds weak. His eyes open slowly but everything is still a blur. His mind feels foggy,   and he leans over and spills whatever he had for dinner last night.

His head is spinning and he looks over at Eren. Who for once, has a facial expression full of fear. A titan stands above the two, its breath smells and Armin thinks he’s going to vomit again. One thing catches Armin’s attention, Eren has no maneuver gear, and his leg is halfway done regenerating.

The titan looks different then the rest, differen from the titan shifters. It makes Armin’s blood go cold. What is that thing?

From behind him he swears he hears Jean mumble “Suicidal bastard” but no one is there. They’re alone.

_What happened?_

He lifts a hand to his head and his hair is drenched in blood, it smells like metal. He looks up at Eren who is desperately  biting at his head. Each bite makes Armin flinch on habit. Before he knows it Eren is taken in the titans hand. He freezes.

_Not again, please, no._

Suddenly his brain begins to work again and his lungs fill with bitter cold air.

“EREN!” He screams at the top of his lungs. He can’t breath, his body is a statue, a literal hunk of useless rock.

Eren’s head is crushed and Blood stains the grass in front of him, and it’s to late. He couldn’t do it.

_Useless._

His best friend is dead. The same one who defended him from the bullies, even if it meant getting himself beat up as well, the same boy who helped Armin catch butterflies and held his hand when he was scared of the dark,  his childhood best friend, all the sleepovers, the stories, the fights, the make ups.

Everything.

The dream they shared.

_Eren was gone._

Mikasa comes three seconds later, she’s fast and lands right in front of the titan, her eyes are full of sorrow and rage. She screams words, words that Armin cannot understand. Maybe he didn’t want too. The titan Turns the other direction, and goes straight back for the wall. Mikasa tries to go after it, but Captain Levi orders her to stay put, that she’s not stable enough to fight.

“He’s alive, I know it. Eren wouldn’t leave us. Not this time.” It sounds more like she’s trying to convince herself more then anything else. Suddenly she’s on the ground her body racks with sobs that break through the cold air they also break through the haze and it makes Armin realize that everything that just happened is reality, Eren is actually dead and he’s not coming back this time.

He walks over to the raven haired girl and collapses beside her, tears flow down his cheeks and he lets out a few sobs. Loud painful sobs. The two hold onto eachother, like if they let go the other would be gone. There’s no more sunshine, everything feels dark, its no longer bright. Its cold and meaningless.

_Everything is meaningless._

He tries to get it together for Mikasa, she had lost her best friend too, the only real family she had left, he helps her back up on her feet. And the two stand in sniffling silence.

“I’m going to get him back.” She says harshly and wraps the scarf Armin’s shoulders turns around begins walking away, Armin wants to go after her, but his feet remain glued to the ground.

“he’s gone.” A breath of air slips through his lips. He tugs the scarf tighter around his neck and lets his tears fall into it.

The ocean is beautiful, and the waves are strong, just like Mikasa was. Just like she is, if she is still somewhere.  Armin lost hope a while ago.

He takes a few shaky steps into the water, and doesn’t care if it ruins his boots. He misses them too much and falls onto his knees, the salt water soaks his pants.

“I made it.” His voice cracks.

The rest of the group stands at the shore line, watching him. A breeze flows through Armin’s hair and it feels warm.

Like sunlight.

Tears are freely falling down his cheeks now and he’s holding back sobs.  His vision is blurred and he closes his eyes. And lets out a shaky breath.

 _“We_ made it _.”_

**Author's Note:**

> eremin-tea.tumblr.com


End file.
